Tuesday, January 31, 2006

For those of you who haven't yet become regular readers of Velonews, note the most recent Eurofile on Jan Ullrich highlighting Eddy Merckx´s endorsement of our favorite German diesel engine to win this year's Tour. Several other prominent cycling experts, Armstrong included, have also predicted this predominately plump prospect to play on the podium in Paris. Merckx's reasoning, in short, is that Ullrich's entry in the Giro should help shed the baby fat that never really disappears until the third week of the Tour. For those not this familiar with cycling, Jan Ullrich is the Tour De France's version of the 1990s Buffalo Bills (except that he actually won the show in '97--something the Bills failed to do in their run of perennial second place showings).

Apparently, Ullrich can never really control himself at the buffet line in the off-season, which probably means he eats two apples a day instead of one. And since his bike is already as light as possible, it's up to Jan to flatten out the tummy rolls (sidenote: we here at Dotde sympathize with you, Jan, as German winters are mighty cold here without that extra padding. Plus many of our readers haven't tried the typical German cookie easily purchasable at any gas station, grocery, and department store that may be right on the route of your average 100km training ride). In addition, Ullrich is also plagued by numerous photos of his grimacing mug leading his Giant bicycle through the Alps, and we believe this to be the result of a media stain campaign.

Nonetheless, the combination of his entry in the Giro and his prospects for Tour success raises the hopes of the Cycling Division here at Dotde--huge fans of Jan Ullrich after several demystifying seasons following American Cycling Poster-Bully Lance Armstrong (the romance ended in 2004). Look for us on May and July alpine slopes mingling with cyclists as they slowly creep by, catching disposed water bottles and posting cyclist interviews via tent-top satellite.

Which is why we're using this post to advertise an opening for an Editorial Intern in our Cycling Division. Duties include transcription and interview editing, assistance in meal preparation, and light side-by-side cyclist streaking during mountain stages. Qualifications required are experience in tent-pitching, satellite maintenance, and German drinking song singing. Please use our comment box to write a short description of yourself and why we should choose you to travel along with our Cycling Division as they report from 2 of the 3 Grand Tours. We'll contact the most interesting and qualified individuals and conduct brief telephone interviews. Deadline to apply: 1 March 2006.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The bicycle, the bicycle surely, should always be the vehicle of novelists and poets. ~Christopher Morley

10:37 PM

Blogger d said...

the end of the quote goes: "Let the literary critics ride noisy motorized scooters."

J!, by the way, has been eyeing the Vespas in town recently. He's convinced we should do a cross-continental scooter tour before flying back across the Atlantic.

6:57 PM

Blogger Arr! said...

That was amazing alliteration.

3:54 AM

Anonymous Nathan E. Milos said...

I just realized how crappy a writer I am after reading that blog. I was genuinely interested and I don't even like riding my own bicycle. Good work J! we'll miss you at this years super bowl festivities. I'm gonna try not to offend the women's caucus this year. Go Steelers!

10:08 AM


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